Eureka!

Before I threw my newest issue of Maxim into the big blue bin in the garage, I thought I could get some use out of it. I didn't want my last post to be the last things we said to each other, I figured since we were both adults we could figure some sort of common ground out. So we went around the house to see what sort of mischief we could create or functional relationship we could develop.

The first thing we tried to do was see if we could get Ted a second pillow for when he is not in the living room. He's a big fan of sleeping since he is growing so much, and he does enjoy laying next to me while I write or surf the net, so we tried to use Maxim as a pillow. I don't think Ted appreciated the dumbing down through osmosis.



I thought maybe our relationship was getting off to a chilly start, so I figured I'd maybe try to break the ice with a drink. I guess Maxim isn't a big fan of tequila or margarita's. I enjoyed my frosty drink while Maxim looked at me unsatisfied and slightly bored. I guess I should be used to it.



I figured if I showed of my video game prowess Maxim would warm up to me a little bit. Without much doubt I shredded through "Beat It" in tribute to the fallen King of Pop. When I handed my axe over, Maxim sucked it up. So much for me being a guitar hero to save the encounter.



Since Maxim has been objectified and mistreated by men since it's been around, I figured I'd put Maxim in some demeaning situations to see how Maxim would react. Unfortunately dusting my PlayStation 3 (which I found to be poetic justice) proved to be another misstep in the afternoon. I guess my way with the Maxim's of the world has diminished since I've been married.



I figured maybe Maxim would like a more dignified job, like protecting my family and my house. I plastered Maxim across our security stop sign. I never though it would deter criminals from robbing our home, but now Maxim's distracting layout and oozing sex on paper could stop would be burglars from entering my humble abode. Alas, making criminals think twice about a life of crime was not what Maxim had in mind.



After this Maxim and I had words, and I attempted to forcibly get Maxim to clean George's cat box. As you can see, it was met with much resistance.



Maybe since Maxim is so beautiful on the outside, Maxim would be interested in hanging up next to some photographic art in our entry way. Maxim responded to this a little better, but for reasons my wife would be able to explain, I figured it would be better to try and find a more appropriate place to dwell.



And this is how we end. Parting is such sweet sorrow, Maxim. However, I know you'll be back in a month.