Today

Current mood: relieved
Category: Life

Short...

Today was up and down. Had a meeting with a big wig at work because they want me to "move up" as the ol' saying goes. So ok, I play along, then I feel bad because I don't want to lead them on because I'm moving to KC this year. So I go back and talk with said big wig and tell her "I'm moving to KC this year." So not only will I be reaping the benefits of learning the ropes of a bigger wheel at my job the next several months, I'll get a big push into the frontlines of consumer lending, which is peachy keen by me, because I want to work with people face to face when I move down to Cow Town.

So, I took tomorrow morning off just for the hell of it. I want to sleep in, is that so wrong?

Currently listening : Zuma By Neil Young & Crazy Horse Release date: 25 October, 1990

Untitled

Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Romance and Relationships

So, Saturday night and it's 11:55 and I'm home not doing much. Went to the company holiday party tonight, not too bad. Just got off the phone with Steph, which is always the nightly routine. I'm happy to say that it's still the best way to end my day. I can't complain about the things that are going on with us right now. In fact, I couldn't be happier, sans distance of course. However, we are working on changing all of that. So back to my opening line. Why am I not out right now? I guess I'm really not sure. Maybe it's because what I'm looking for I've already found. But is that really the point of going out all the time? I really don't think that's totally it, but I do think most people do go out to find others to be with. Well, if they're single of course. Who knows, may just be me.

I'll be going back down in a couple of weeks, which I couldn't be more excited about. Most of the time when I'm out all I can think about is how much more fun I would be having if she were there with me. Sometimes I stop and wonder if I'm shortchanging myself by thinking like that. Then again, maybe I'm not. I think people love their independence, which is fine because I do as well. However, maybe the issue is they define it in the wrong way. Just because I think I'd be having more fun with my girlfriend with me doesn't make me weak or too dependent on her, it just means that I really enjoy her company when I'm with her, and she would completely enhance any activity I'm involved in.

I think I'm starting to go down the path of not wanting too much from others around me. I think I'm starting to see the next part of my life starting to unfold. Your life seems to go in stages that are never 100efined in black and white. Sometimes you have to read between the lines. Cliched line I know, but it's common for a reason after all. What do I mean by not wanting too much from others? Most people go through the early stages of their life being reliant on their parent(s) and spend most of the time there after trying to break away from them while finding their own identity. Once that's acheived, you feel strong enough to start finding an identity within someone else. You find things out about yourself that you can't see on your own. They seem to notice the things you can't pick up on. The one's that can truely see into what makes you the person you've spent your whole life creating are the people that should be kept close to you. When you find those people, you don't have to ask much from them, therefore not wanting anything from them in the sense of needing anything in the form of personal gain. You just feel better about yourself and you feel like more of a complete person. I think you cease trying to find a reason for life through a multitude of people.

My point is that I believe (not just think) that I have found that person. Of course for people that read this, I know she'll be reading this entry, and that's cool because she knows how I feel. You have to understand that a person you can talk to on the phone with for an hour or two every night with no exception is something that is very cool for me. I'm a conversationalist, always have been. It's not like it's a task, I never find myself saying "ok, time to call my girlfriend (or her call me, which is 99f the time haha) let's get it over with, got some other things to do." No, it's not like that at all. It's what I look forward to everyday. We haven't missed a night, no matter how short since I came back from Mexico in April. Sound a little weird? Sound like I'm too dependent on talking to this person? Maybe you should read the above paragraphs again. I'm not really trying to justify myself, sometimes it just feels good to get your thoughts down on "paper."

You shouldn't give up the good things you've found in life because you think someone else my turn a critical eye to how you handle your personal life. What we do works for us in a way that is unique to us and I wouldn't trade it for anything. We've found a way to operate that satisfies our needs as independent people and people in a relationship, dependent on one another to be happy within said relationship. Everyone is capable of being happy on their own for the short term. But their comes a time when you need that companion for the long term. I'm not saying the conventional term of getting married is for everyone, but for most people it's a time honored tradition for a reason.

Here is something personal, I usually don't do this, but I'm going to anyway. Tonight for the first time, I said in plain English to her that when I move down it's "with the intention of marrying you." When you cross that boundry, there really (this is just opinion mind you) is no going back in a totally positive way. It may have been one of the most honest comments I've made.

What am I really trying to say with all this rambling? I don't think it's too hard to pick up on. Basically I'm ready to move on to the next stage (figurative and literal, the "move" part that is) of my life. I'm excited to see what that next part of life has in store. These are the things that make you want to get out of bed in the morning. You can't be too driven by making a lot of money, or having the best things on the block. You have to find that deeper meaning, everyone has to search to find out what makes them want to face the day. I don't want to live a boring life, and I don't think that I ever will.

Currently listening : Speak For Yourself By Imogen Heap Release date: 01 November, 2005

Let's call it a week, shall we?

Current mood: drained
Category: Life

Ok, so in the past few weeks I've been sick and my job has been up and down and all sorts of other little annoying things that have contributed to me wanting to run away and join the circus. Well, not really but I think you know what I mean. I'm ready to just sort of relax this weekend (with the exception of Winterfest!!) and sort of regroup and get ready for the most fabulous month of the year! That's right kids, February. You've only got a handful of shopping days left until my Golden birthday this year.

Money or donations can be sent to my home address, just send me a message and I'll be sure to give it toyou . No one will be denied! Alright so I'm sort of crazy and out of sorts tonight and I should probably call it a day, er, a week, or so the title of this little ditty goes...

Currently listening : Fever In Fever Out By Luscious Jackson Release date: 29 October, 1996

Just a quick note

Current mood: happy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Joaquin Phoenix just won the Golden Globe for playing Johnny Cash in Walk the Line...maybe there is hope for Hollywood after all. All they need to do is give him the Oscar now.

Currently listening : At Folsom Prison By Johnny Cash Release date: 19 October, 1999

Good early Sunday morning

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

Not much to say today, it's just that it's 9am on a Sunday morning and I seem to be the only person my age up this early. I've been having issues being able to sleep in for a long time. No matter how late I'm up or for how long I stay up on a Saturday night I'm up like at 7:30 (or earlier) every Sunday morning. Oh well, youth is what you make of it, and even though I can't seem to sleep in later than most agricultural reports on the radio and TV, I still feel like I'm 14 most days. Call it my inability to hold onto one piece of my fading youth, which was sleeping past noon.

I'm finally done being sick, it's been about a week and a half but for awhile I couldn't remember what it was like to wake up and not have a sore throat and a pounding headache. Call it my need to complain about a cold.

Last night I did happen to win $70 playing poker. It's always nice to make $10 turn into $70. If you get the chance, however you can find a way to do it, I suggest you try. It's not like I need the money or something, it's just nice to win and not be a "donor" like some cats we play with get labeled. To be honest, I haven't really played that much the past year, at least not as much as I used to. Call it my need to protest things that are "cool" at the moment.

Work was quite good this week. I found out that when they did decide to restructure our commission plan, it was a good outcome! Also, since hurricane Wilma, most Cancun resorts are unable to honor reservations until June 1st of this year, and beings that our trip was for March we'll have to find a new spot. So, Virgin Islands, here I come (hopefully). Call it my need to still be competitive and win everything that is put down in front of me.

Also, this weekend is my monthly (sometimes bi-monthly) trip to Kansas City. As I'm sure I stated in my previous entry(ies) that I'm happy to say things are going very well with Stephanie and I. My better half doesn't like to jinx things, and to some degree I don't think I do either, but I can't help not saying something about the status of our relationship. Usually by this point the newness has worn off and things slip into normalcy. To which I won't lie, as we get more comfortable with each other, this will happen to a point. However, I've still never remained this excited or positive about things. This weekend is planned to be sort of a relaxing one, which is good. Call it my desire to get everything out of every minute when I'm with her.

Currently listening : In the Wee Small Hours By Frank Sinatra Release date: 26 May, 1998

Musical Ramblings

Current mood: groggy
Category: Music

Sometimes I like to write about certain subjects, one of them is music. It's something that I spend a lot of time not only listening to, but researching and studying. Anyone who knows me now knows that I have a deep appreciation for anything musical. Unless it has no substance or something that is not well crafted or thoughtless. Right now, there seems to be a lot of that going around. Painfully, I watched most of TRL today. I've decided that "pixie stick punk" (my phrase, thank you) seems to be the new boy band of the day. If you think about it, they just traded in the Abercrombie clothes of the late 90's and early 2000's and put on tight pants and got tattoo's. I won't deny that some of the songwritting is better, and that it seems to be a little more in depth than the "As long as you love me" schitck, however, I like to think I can see it for what it really is. I don't like to think of myself as a musical snob by any means, because I'll listen to most things to test the waters. However, I like what I like and I'll tell you what I dislike. I'm not that guy who's seen High Fidelity too many times and fancies himself a character from that movie.

You could say that I'm into your garden variety rock music. Maybe not the things you hear on the radio, but who am I kidding. The only rock on Sioux Falls radio is Motley Crue and Guns n Roses (still, I'm not kidding for my out of towners). Or classic rock, which I love because it's what I grew up on and it's a huge part of my musicall makeup. I will say that I was a Led Zeppelin fan back in the day, much to the scorn of most of my peers when I was a young chap. I was fearless though, as I said before, I like what I like. I still listen to some metal, but only when I lift, and I listen to hip-hop, but only when I wish I was black. What? Who doesn't these days right? Seriously, I would have to say that the hip-hop landscape isn't unlike the pop music terain (I still spell like a 3rd grader sometimes). You have to sift through the 50 Cents and the P-Diddy's (who I cannot stand, he is compeletly not of use anymore, anyone see the VMA's this year??) to get to the real MC's that have something to say. While most of it's commercialized, because hey, they make no bones about wanting to get "real big" or make money, unlike some rock counterparts who pretend to shun the dollar and the spotlight. I've only seen a handful of hip hop shows, but when I saw The Roots open for 311 last summer in Sioux City, I personally thought they blew them off the stage. Yes, I still sort of like 311, they have a place as one of my favorites, however...

I was at one of my favorite local establishments over the Christmas break and noticed a table of fellow graduates from Washington in 98. I'll tell you, it was just like being back in high school, because all.they.played.was.311 on the jukebox. I wonder how long it takes to get over one band? I'm not joking, the machine fired off at least 6 songs in a row, the bar was obviously annoyed. Not that I care much about the climate of other people's 311 threshold, it's just that I was getting a little irritated myself.

Now that I'm done with that tangent, I'm glad that I did get my iPod for Christmas because now that I'm over the 1000 song mark, it keeps my on my toes. Although I have been listening to a lot of Pavement lately, it's always good to mix it up. For all the complaining I did in the above paragraph, I still can't seem to let go of my mid-90's indie faves. Also see Liz Phair who is not her usual self these days. However, I'm not afraid to carry the flag for Ms. Phair.

Anyway, if you made it to the end of this long and somewhat boring diatribe, good for you. You've probably wasted about 10 minutes of your life that you can't charge me for

Currently listening : Electric Circus By Common Release date: 10 December, 2002

Out with the old, in with the now

Current mood: sick
Category: Life

The holiday season is something that I never really stressed too much on. This year was a whole lot different, but you could say that I had a little more going on this year than I have in quite some time...

First, Christmas was the usual trend of eating, sleeping, drinking, and watching football. I would have to say that this was one of the most uneventful Christmas's (is that right??) on written record. I won't say that it wasn't good, I'll just say that it wasn't great. I'll have to say that it would have been more enjoyable had I been able to spend it with Stephanie (my girlfriend, for those of you that don't know). However, this seems like it will be the last Christmas I'll have to worry about that, as I'm planning on spending many more to come with her. Second, I did get what I wanted to Christmas this year, which is a new iPod. Yes, I finally broke down and got something "trendy." Usually I'm not one for whatever the big thing of the moment is, but I figured my 6 gigabyte Creative Nomad Jukebox was about at the end of it's rope. I'd have to say that I'm quite pleased with basically the only thing I got from my family this year, which is fine because it isn't the cheapest piece of equipment in the world. Anyway, my second round of Christmas gifts from Steph were a cool button up shirt, some new fat guy pants (which I live in when I'm not at work or on the town), and a Mensa Society daily calender with some of the hardest puzzles you'll ever see. She either thinks I'm smarter than I really am, or she wants me to get smarter. Whatever the case, I've figured more out than I've had to check the answers on the back of each day. Maybe there is a glimmer of hope for me yet, har har.

What can I say about New Year's? I can say that we did have an awesome time. Dinner was great, the room we stayed in at the Westin was excellent and the times we had that weekend are something that I'll look back on as one of the best times I've ever had in my life. Even though the night did come with a hefty price tag, it was all worth it. Beings that we have a great amount of distance between us we usually don't have the time to just go "all out." However, this time I figured we'd take advantage. I don't like to give out too many details, because it was our night and I like to keep things that way, but it was very very good. I won't gush too much, hehe. The rest of the weekend we didn't do much because of the lack of sleep from New Year's, but we did manage to squeeze in dinner with her parents which is always nice, and the saga of purchasing hair straighteners. Trust me fella's, if you have the patience you are lucky, somehow I've been graced with the ability to shop, and not for me. Oh, and she cooks a mean lasagna for the record

Since I've been back I've been sick. Like really sick. I didn't work much last week and so far I haven't worked this much either, which means if I want to have a good month I have to work this weekend. I'm not looking forward to it, but I found out today that a trip to Cancun depends on it. Since our department is very small, it's a limited number of people that get to go, so I'll have to work fairly hard to have a shot. Time to plan some financial futures! Hurray! Speaking of which I have a 3pm meeting regarding the restructuring of our commision scale, hopefully it's good. They seem to be pumping it up that way.

Back to the subject of my personal life, I'll be going back down to KC on the 20th. It will be a shorter weekend than the last, but we'll have less to do which should make the time pass by at a normal rate, as opposed to the last time I was there. The last weekend went by way to fast, but everytime I'm there it seems to be that way. No worries though, even though things do get tough I'm going under the phrase of this being "Our Year." Capitalized because I'm giving it an offical title, haha.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, I'm going to take my leave and be sick somewhere else, and not in front of my computer.

Currently listening : Face the Truth By Stephen Malkmus Release date: 24 May, 2005