I'm okay with getting older.

(Now that you are done oogling at Megan Fox, let's get rolling).

Based on what has happened to my mailbox. Not so much to it as what has happened inside of it. I still play video games whenever I have time. I have all the major gaming systems of this generation, as they call it. I'm patiently biding my time until the new installment of NCAA Football comes out so I can start as a coach of meager means and rise to the top of gridiron glory, as I do every year.

I also subscribed to a gaming magazine, a subscription I kept for many years. At the start of 2009 Electronic Gaming Monthly became a casualty of the decline of print media and stopped publishing their rag. I figured I'd get a refund check. I figured wrong.

A few weeks ago I open up my mailbox at the end of my block to find a copy of something I haven't even seen since I was 22. I wasn't even sure if they still put the damn thing out. Maxim appeared and I didn't know why. I remember it had samples of cheap teen boy cologne and pictures of mostly naked women I could subscribe to Playboy and see without the tease, if I really wanted. The magazine always appeared to be a bit of a jerk off to me.

Now I am older and wiser. Ok, not really but I still know good writing from writing that I hope when the human race is centuries long gone that archaeologists from far off planets do not discover, only to deduce that this was the pinnacle of our journalistic endeavors.

I still page through it before I toss it in our recycling bin (yes I know, how snobbish using a recycling bin rather than the trash) for some laughs. This month, Maxim tears apart the 2010 Chevrolet Camaro versus the 2010 Ford Mustang. Two cars I would be interested reading about in Car & Driver or Motor Trend.

Of course, Maxim has nary an automobile expert, so they rely on women of N.Y.C. most likely displaying the pictures in the magazine gauging the quotes. "The Camaro looks classier. But red's pretty arrogant. And I'd really prefer if it were a Bentley." - Hannah, 22.

Thank you, Hannah. I always wondered if gallivanting around in a red Camaro, and American classic, was arrogant up against say, a $400,000 Bentley.

If you are a casual watcher of television, like to come out of your parent's basement, or have your newest Megan Fox fan club mailer you are well aware of Michael Bay's latest abomination and spite against humanity, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Now, every sensible critic I have read has panned the movie, because it wreaks of suck. Maxim, however, is treating it like Gosford Park 2.

Fox is placed in various degrees of degrading positions, actors will scream dialogue like you're at a Dane Cook concert (because just telling a joke isn't funny, unless you yell it out) and historic landmarks will be reduced to piles of rubble. I'm not even upset Michael Bay is perverting more classics from the 80's like I was after I walked out of the first live action Transformers, now it's boiled down to the fact this guy is still making movies. Did you know Maxim's publishing offices are nestled comfortably between the New York Times and the New York Public Library? Lock up your wife and kids.

I understand movies are supposed to be fun, make believe and an escape from our normal lives. But at what a price? Certainly I will keep my brain cells in tact for such cinematic seriousness like "The Hangover."

Lady Gaga is an abomination of Satan himself and Madonna. Her songs are second rate and her "out there" attitude makes me weep for kids thinking she is the definition of cool. Kids who will never discover The Replacements or The Minutemen and never truly understand what a true rebel in music is.

"I'm dressed conservatively today, I should take off my pants just to freak them out!" A woman threatening to take off their pants in a Morton's Steak House has never been so potentially boring. Bi-curious activity (when it's a "hot," lipstick lesbian type) sells to the Maxim reading community, because it's mentioned in every feature involving the women it interviews. I use that term loosely, obviously. "So we know your new album/movie/homemade porn is getting straight into the everyday life of impressionable teens and young adults around the world. So do you like to have sex with women?" This was probably a real question or has been one in Maxim's time. How do I figure? Because this was a question...

Maxim: Do you prefer sex with men or women?
Ms. Gaga: It depends of the guy or the girl. But I'm not discussing my sex life with you. I will say that I'd be a happy girl if I could make the whole world gay.

Edgy. Then gay people wouldn't have a gay identity, or be defined apart from straight people which isn't a bad thing according to a few gay friends, minus the whole government reserving marriage rights for wholesome straight people. I wonder, no wait, she clearly doesn't know what she is talking about. Bless her heart, she may have the gay community's best interests in mind, but I doubt it.

I like how in one breath she let's you know she does in fact, have sex with women. But she won't give you the details, which is what we seem to be wrapped up with as a society. Truth be told, if I did have to think about her with other women, I'd rather let my imagination do the walking. Fancy that, using my imagination.

Did you know that growing up in New Jersey gives you enough material to play psychotic roles as a hick in movies like "Black Snake Moan" and "Monster" like Christina Ricci? Time to place this in the bin and take a shower.