Sometimes

Sometimes there comes a point in your life when you reach a fork in the road. Ok, so that may be an aweful cliche, and maybe not the strongest way to start something like this off, however it does make sense if you look at the situation just a little deeper. When you get to a certain point, some decisions may become more obvious than others. Most times you many have no indication of what lies ahead on the choices you make durning the course of a day. Sometimes, you are able to catch a glimpse into something that you know will change your life.

For nearly 17 years now, I have been friends with someone that I consider to be one of 3 people (non family members) that have truely been "best friends" in my life. Now it appears that this one person will slip from the ranks. It's quite sad really, this person and I have shared a lot (I mean A LOT) of memories and turmoil over the better part of 2 decades. Most people have good lifelong friends that they speak with in passing, maybe every few to several months. This friendship was not like that. We have been in constant contact over that time period and have become close like brothers, but on the filp side of that, sometimes I don't even know who this person is. I would say that it has been dying a slow death, at least since January. I would like to think that friendships that are as close to brotherhood as one can get, wouldn't be disrupted by a (you guessed it) girl. I've tried to respect this person, and the relationship that they have. I just cannot stand idle any longer while I watch this person change someone that I know to be a very lighthearted and giving individual. This person is taking advantage of my friend, and she has him so blinded that he is will to bend over backwards for not only her, but her child as well. Take it from someone who has been there before, you need to go in with a little more caution that what he has done. He has almost taken this child as one of his own, and she won't admit to her friends that they are even dating. She even goes as far to tell co-workers that she doesn't want to date my friend. And when someone hears about this, and decides to tell him, he takes the side of his psuedo girlfriend. Nice, huh? I tried not to take sides, however it has become appearent that that approach is not the best course of action.

This friend and myself got into an argument this weekend, and I told him to lose my number, and I would do the same. Let's say that his biggest issue is not being truthful when it comes to what he thinks and how he feels about you, until it's convenient for him to bring it up. It's never, "hey man, this thing that you are doing is bugging me." No, it's always when you ask him for a favor of some sort, the thing he claims to love dishing out. This is all conditional. So, I decided that in this point in my life, all his crap, all his "girlfriends" crap, and the crap they generate as a little unit has no room in my life. I'm standing at the crossroads, as mentioned above, with one of the people that I am the closest to.

I can't envision myself staying attatched to an individual who has no sense of loyalty or no sense of decency to those who have shown him nothing but the aformentioned values. It sort of hurts, but it also feels good to finally let all that go. It almost sounds like I'm breaking up with a girlfriend, doesn't it? But I think when you do get to the point of knowing someone for that long, and you can't really remember what it was like to not be friends with this person, it's not that far from the truth.

I almost seem like I need to streamline what I have up here before I'm able to move on to the next phase of my life. As you can see, living at home has it's advantages when it comes to allowing yourself time for self examination. You have the ability to stop and let things pass you, so you can get a good look at them. Life for some people is always moving on to what is next, sometimes you need to let life breeze by you for awhile so you can get to the next stop on your terms.

Back to the situation at hand, my friend is losing everyone he has ever known, and fast. In the last six months he has managed to surround himself with no one (to my knowledge) but this girl and her daughter. Well, some of her family members, but that's always a given. One day, when he wakes up and realizes after she leaves him, which I have no doubt she will once the meal ticket that is my former friend dries up, and that all of his friends have moved on, he will continue to be a very lonely person. I'm not sure if at that point in my life I will feel sorry for him. This isn't the first time that he has gone through a phase such as this, just not to the extent or the severity that it has reached now. I know this has been sort of rambly but there is a lot to put out there. Sometimes, you just have to do that and let it go.

I don't feel like it's been a waste, it has taught me some things about myself. I know where I don't want to be in life, and that's miserable, which is a common thread with this person right now. I don't regret helping him through his years of living with a mom that was a codependent to a crazy drunk, I don't regret helping him with his issues when it came to dealing with his dad early on in his teenage years. I especially don't regret helping him cope the last three years after losing his dad to a heart attack. Maybe that's all that was left in the tank, to help him see his way through that until he decided to move on with his life. Maybe he's doing that, it's just from what I can tell, it's not the healthiest relationship to be in. But when you grow up under the roof that he did, and with the mother that he did, I'm sure he wouldn't feel right if he wasn't being abused or controled by a woman. I'm sure he'd make one hell of a case study.

All in all, sometimes you just have to say "It's time to move on."