Current mood:
calm
Category:
Life Let me start this off by saying that I am in a good mood today, and still am...
Less than thrilled about having to bowl for Junior Acheivement tonight, but it's for the kids baby.
Sometimes, well all the time, my mind is always moving and never seems to really stop. I think about anything and everything. From scenarios that I know would never happen to things that are definatly a possibility. Somedays I can't understand why I can't shut it off and just let go, but I never have really been able to do it. I tried a lot this week, but it never seems to work. I'm not sure if it's good to be this mindful of the things that are going on around me or if I'm going to die of a stress induced heart attack at the age of 30. Like I said, I'm in a good mood.
Now imagine what this is like for a person if they are in a bad mood, and it can be said that I have some interesting mood swings. I guess I've never been a "reachable" person because I've been into pleasing others and changing what I think and feel to appease the masses. I think I've been a hard person to figure out for this reason alone.
For some all of the friends and acquaintances I've had over the years and my ability to meet people I've never felt like I've fit in or identified with too many people. The ones that I did manage to keep around aren't people that really challenged me on any of my issues. You know, being a jerk, thinking I'm better than most people for no reason, being a general bullshitter for a real long time. You know it's hard to be taken seriously with traits like this. Didn't you?
Now that I've done an admirable job sorting my life out, I'm finding that maybe I'm not into doing the retread thing with people that I've known for quite some time, with the exception of a few of course. I've found that some people that I've known don't like some of the people that I've been friends with, or for some reason or another they aren't exactly the "coolest" people in the world. To people that still treat life as high school, or even college for that matter, fuck off. I spent too many years hiding certain people because I was too concerned with "being cool." I think I may have hurt a lot of people along the way. If you can't accept who I like or hang out with, too bad I guess. Maybe you have some issues you need to sift through. Sometimes, the people that you think you are ahead of have already passed you by. I'm not citing anyone specifically of course. Ahem. I think people get to a certain point in their lives when they aren't happy with how they were in the past. Call it normal if you will.
Anyway, my point (as hidden as it may be) is that life is sort of a series of chapters. It's not often that you are privy to recognizing your own new pages, I can say that I haven't been to any of them. It's always been in retrospect.
These are my last few months in the city that I know as my home. I've written before that I feel like it's no longer that, and I don't think that fact has changed at all. It didn't change until around 8 or 9 months ago. When your world gets flipped upside-down it makes you think. It makes you put everything out on the table for everyone to look at. However, it doesn't always have to be bad.
People move, get married, buy houses, have families, get great jobs, meet people. Don't you love ending sentences with the same words they started out with? I do. I drove by my elementary school today and noticed that they took out the old playgroud equipment and moved the basketball court because of a parking lot that was probably built 5 or 6 years ago and it got the wheels turning. You can't hold on to everything that you relied on in the past. People can only carry so much baggage before they finally drop it off and say "enough."
I think the paragraph above is where I'm at now. Got a great job and the other things are (or will be soon) falling into place. You just have to be ready.
 | Currently listening :
Something/Anything?
By Todd Rundgren
Release date: 25 October, 1990 |
No comments:
Post a Comment