Saturday - Part II
Current mood: 
thoughtful
Category: Life
Invincible. Incapable of being overcome or defeated, unconquerable. An invincible spirit. Has what has changed in the last 6 years affected not only the feeling of invincibility regarding our country, but also ourselves? Did you feel indestructible? Did you think that no real harm would come to you? Anyone reading this blog between the ages of 18 and 30 has no recollection of living through a
On a personal level, issues that come up in my day to day life are such that I don't feel the same as I did as a 21 year old man-boy coming of age. That much is obvious, and most of you are probably saying the same thing to yourself. "Zach, how is this profound in any way?" Generalities lead to popular opinion and common thought. If no one had stories to tell, there would be no such thing as common sense. I would also say that not everything you read in this blog has to be profound.
Situations arise where it makes a person feel like they are standing on the edge of reason. Being cognizant of certain turning points is a luxury that most people can't afford to pay, either because of their lack of self recognition, or the strong ability of one to deny. For me, it's easy to get caught up in the philosophical thought trappings of "what does it all mean?" Part of me believes that people spent too much time searching for deeper meanings in events and issues and feelings that actually require little thought or time spent. I think if I were to take things more at face value, it would make life much more livable. Then again, the fear of ignorance and turning a blind eye is something that drives me to think and connect the dots of feeling regarding the sometimes generalities of the unnecessary.
Maybe it's because of the vulnerability I'm referring to in the first couple of paragraphs that contribute to wanting "to know" before it ends. At the moment my man versus self is wrestling with the possibility of not finding out where I really need to be or should be. When one path opens its door, another road will show itself. I can't recall if some great man or woman from the past made this quote, or if I saw it on a rerun of Kung-Fu.
I don't know where life is going, and I never really have. I pine over the future, yet I just put one foot in front of the other. Everyone tries to do that though, I think. I put in a concerted effort not to let my own thoughts consume my daily life to the point of not being able to operate. It would be easy to just wake up, eat breakfast, head off to work and do my job, go home at night and repeat the same thing over and over and over and not have any original thought about what those seemingly mundane events have on my grand scheme of things. That is the part that I have difficulty with, I generally always want it to mean something more than just another guy going out and doing his job and coming home to someone or something. Not that there isn't something rewarding in all of that, because the rewards that await you in life are set by the values you place on people and places in your world, it's just that at the end of the day sometimes something is lacking. I'm not sure what, if I knew, I probably wouldn't be writing this.
The situational life that is in front of everyone is difficult to get my head around. If I felt more in the moment, this may not be a problem. My mind is either locked in the past, or floating in the prospect of future events. Most people like to look ahead to the reward at the end, it may be more rewarding to me to make an account of the journey. I know the last few lines of this sound horrible and cheesy, but to a certain extent it's all true. If I were better with words I may be able to make it seem not so typical. But then this is where I find myself back in the same quandary as before, trying to break away from the "typical." So what do I do? Change my friends, change my clothes or my music I listen to? Do I keep reinventing my MySpace page to reflect the personal changes that I go through? I think not. These are all merely cosmetic changes. I'm looking for something a little deeper. Something that when I shut the lights off at night and hit my bed I know I've done something to better myself and maybe have a bit more comprehension on what I've done. This almost sounds like one of those Church of Latter Day Saints testamonials, doesn't it? Mormons beware.
 | Currently listening : Nothing's Shocking By Jane's Addiction Release date: 25 October, 1990 |
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